Faith's life has always been dark.

Since the day that she was born it was dark. There were only small moments where the light would enter her life only to be extinguished by the constant darkness there.

But then she met Buffy and Buffy... she made the darkness go away and go away for good. It was like when Buffy was around there wasn't such a thing as darkness.

And it made Faith happy. So much happier than she'd ever been in her entire life.

Sunnydale was like a fairy tale to her at first. Dumb jokes and fun, it was like she was in those goofy teen soap operas she remembered watching on Nickelodeon at her friend's house as a kid. Everyone was so nice and helpful and willing to accept her for what she was.

This was Buffy's world. A world of light, not darkness, a world that Faith had always longed to be a part of. A world that had long been forbidden to her.

Somehow, that world had become her world as Buffy brought her into the light, into her group of friends, into her life and it made Faith feel important.

It made her feel loved. It made her fall in love.

With Buffy and her light. The light inside of her that she possessed. The light that made it possible for her to see countless horrors and still remain hopeful and oddly innocent about the many atrocities of life.

Faith wanted to tell Buffy she loved her. Really, she did. But every time she started to tell her... started to say the words... her brain would shout, "Save it for later!"

And bam! Shut went her mouth. Zip went the lips.

Being a Slayer tends to make a person brave in fights of the physical kind but it hardly makes them a front line soldier on the battlefield of love.

Save it for later. That's what she always said to herself. That and other things... other thoughts that kept her from telling Buffy of her true feelings.

Everyone let her down in her life. Everyone let her down or they left her. Even those who said they loved her.

Her father, he ran away with another woman. Her mother, dead of a drug overdose. Her Watcher, killed by Kakistos. Her countless boy and girlfriends, who knows? They always seemed to disappear into the night after they got their jollies. Maybe that was why she'd taken to kicking people out of bed after sex.

It made her sick to think about it. She loved Buffy but she slept with Xander and as soon as he tried to show her some sort of human affection, kindness, what did she do? She kicked him out of the motel room.

The little voice... what did it say? About her Watcher, about Buffy, even about Xander that night?

Sooner or later they'll let you down.

Over and over it echoed in Faith's head. Night and day, over and over again. She couldn't escape it.

That was her reality. The insecurity, the self doubt, the loathing was her darkness. And not even Buffy's ever present light that provided her with kindness, love, and support could ever begin to burn it out.

That's why Faith never told Buffy her feelings. Not even towards the end. Because she still had that voice, that darkness, constantly running through her head. And it was still saying the very same thing to her about telling Buffy that she loved her.

Save it for later.