Cordelia was gone. Angel was gone. Connor was gone. And where was Fred? She was in the Hyperion, sitting on her bed, staring off into space and ignoring the sound of her boyfriend as he banged on her door, speaking to her.

"Fred? C'mon, Fred, baby, answer me," Gunn's voice floated through the door. She stared at it blankly and wondered if she should let him in. Charles was so kind, so gentle with her, he really was but right now she didn't want that. Fred didn't want to be babied.

She wanted to feel her hands on her again. Push her back onto this bed like she had done only weeks ago, press their bodies together, see hazel eyes widen with surprise, and hear the quiet gasps of pleasure. Fred wanted it more than anything. More than she wanted to hear Charles soft moans as she kissed him deep, deeper than anyone else had before, she wagered. More than she wanted Angel and Connor to come back and be a family again.

Fred wanted it more than life itself.

"I'm all right, Charles," she finally called out, using her reassuring voice that always calmed him down. "I just need to be alone for a little while. Y'know, think things over."

"Fred," Gunn's deep voice echoed through the door and she heard the slight scrape of his hand up against it. "All right, baby," he murmured. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"I know, Charles," Fred responded, pulling her knees to her chest, looking down at the bed as she reached out to finger the covers. "I know."

Making choices was always a hard thing for Fred. When she was little and her mother offered her one of two ice cream cones in her hands, by the time she decided that she wanted strawberry and not chocolate, they had both melted. After that, her mother would always order a little of everything for her.

She wanted everything to be that way, perhaps. To have a little of everything. Why make a choice to have one and not the other? Why not have both? That's how she felt. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was stupid, but that's just how she was.

It was why Cordelia had ended up falling for Angel, despite their affair.

Fred was good at keeping secrets, she always had been, even before Pylea. When she was in high school the most popular girl had been Sue Anne Werner. She was a perfect epitome of femininity and held with her all the pride of the state of Texas. Complete in her relationship with the star quarterback of their undefeated football team, always primped and perfect for his sake, a glittering smile on her features.

Despite all of these wonderful qualities, Sue Anne wasn't the best student. In fact, she was a rather horrible student. Which is why Fred found herself as Sue Anne's math tutor. All nerves and twitters was Fred at the first session then Sue Anne smiled, glittering and white, her perfect teeth stunning Fred into silence.

In five seconds she had fallen in love.

She didn't expect Sue Anne to love her back, she didn't expect Sue Anne to e ven talk to her at school, but Sue Anne did. She talked and she smiled and she glittered and each time she did, Fred wanted her more and more. Being who she was, Fred faded into the background and as such, she was fairly aware that Chuck, the star quarterback, wasn't too concerned with pleasing Sue Anne in bed or even staying loyal. All in all, Fred had discovered he had at least five other cheerleaders entangled in his web of clumsy teen romance. It was more than Fred could stand that Sue Anne would waste herself on him. That smile, that glitter, and charm shouldn't be his to claim.

When the next tutoring session came around and Fred was alone with Sue Anne on her family's ranch, sitting on the pink quilt of her bed and smelling the scent of her perfume, she decided it would be hers. She might not deserve it but at least she would do more with it than Chuck would. She would make sure Sue Anne felt pleasure.

They sat side by side, doing their homework and as Sue Anne hit a difficult problem she couldn't solve, she found herself face to face with Fred. Their noses almost touching, her blue eyes went wide as they looked into Fred's brown ones. Then she smiled and it was that glitter Fred so loved and the next thing Sue Anne knew, she was pressed back into the bed, covered by Fred's tiny frame as her lips were devoured in a passionate kiss.

That day she had done everything to Sue Anne that Chuck wouldn't and as a reward she glittered for Fred as she had never done for anyone else. She glittered and she moaned and she tossed her head to one side and bit her tongue to keep from crying out and alerting her parents as to what they were up to instead of studying.

And when she was done, Fred drew herself up from Sue Anne's thighs, licked her lips and glittered more than Sue Anne herself could ever manage.

They were together until graduation and then Fred went off to college and Sue Anne, well, Sue Anne most likely got married to Chuck and never glittered so brightly again.

College life was fun for Fred because unlike high school, she found herself appreciated. Not for her looks, she was almost never appreciated for that until someone was in her bed, but for her brains. It wasn't something she experienced before and it pleased her. She could be as smart as she wanted, as nerdy as she pleased, and still people liked her anyway. And then she got pulled into that damn vortex.

Pylea wasn't hell supposedly but to Fred it was damn close. Her brains weren't appreciated there, her looks weren't appreciated, nothing about her was appreciated except her ability to be slave labor.

Slave labor means many things and with it she discovered the horrible truth of how not all touching is good touching. How not all sex is good sex. Things can get twisted and horrible and more and more she drifted within herself. She lost track of who she was and her memories. She lost hope of ever escaping, of ever being appreciated as a human again, and of ever making someone glitter or glitter herself.

It just wasn't going to happen.

Then he came. Her white knight on a horse, sweeping her up, saving her from everything horrible she'd come to know and taking her back home. She loved Angel more than anyone for that. She loved him and she would always be loyal to him.

But as much as she loved Angel, she wanted Cordelia even more. The Princesswho glittered and smiled, just as Sue Anne once had, as all her lovers had. Full of kindness, no matter how clumsy she sometimes showed it.

No matter how much Fred had wanted to hide away, to keep herself safe by ignoring the world which had once stolen her away and forced her into that terrible place, Cordelia wouldn't let her. She pulled, poked, and prodded everything bad out of Fred until it was no more and she was in her arms, sobbing, releasing it from her system totally.

The morning she woke up in her bed, clothes crumpled beyond repair, her body smelling of Cordelia's expensive shampoo, Fred decided she would make Cordelia glitter just as she'd done for the others. She loved Cordelia, she truly did, and she could see as much as anyone how lonely the other woman was.

She also knew that Cordelia loved Angel and in essence, it was a perfect love. One that could never be consummated for both of their sakes. Another doomed love, that despite the joy that it would bring at first, it had the potential to destroy them both. To send their lives crashing down, taking both her idols effectively off their pedestals forever.

Then came their day of shopping and girl talk. Cordelia delighted in putting Fred in all of the different outfits, squealing and clapping excitedly, her eyes alight and face glowing. A late show movie, sharing a tub of popcorn, their hands brushing together as Cordelia whispered to her who she thought killed who and wasn't that actor too hot? Dinner came last, looking at her from across the table as she not so covertly stuffed the dinner mints into her purse and smiled at her sheepishly, explaining she liked how they tasted.

When Cordelia walked Fred to her room, she tilted her head to one side, hazel eyes lidded as she laughed and commented how much like a date the day was. Fred simply smiled at her and took Cordelia's hands then pulled her into the room. The door shut with a click and Cordelia blinked, looking from the door to Fred, opening her mouth to ask what was going on but unable to even start as her lips were claimed by Fred.

It was a slow and soft kiss, just as Fred had wanted it to be. Drawing it out, sucking on Cordelia's lip, and smiling again on seeing the dazed look on the Seer's features. Even confused like this, she glittered, and she probably always would, Fred realized.

"Fred... what...?" Cordelia had whispered softly, her brow furrowing.

"Shhh," Fred had responded, standing on her tip toes, putting her index finger over silken lips, delighting in the feeling. "I love you, y'know? I really do."

"Fred," Cordelia's hazel eyes went impossibly wide.

There was no more talking after that. There was only Fred, seeming so small, so delicate, and fragile, taking control as she always did with her lovers. Her elegant and knowing hands soft and seeking over Cordelia's body. Touching her in places that she had never been touched before and kissing her in a way she that she had never been kissed. And when she was done, she did it all over again.

As Cordelia fell asleep, nestled in her arms, worn out from a long night of passion, Fred kissed the top of her head and looking at her, she glittered for the first time in years. Then she noticed Charles and the age old dilemma of the two ice cream cones came to confront her again. Once more, she didn't know why she had to choose. Why couldn't she just have them both? Especially since she knew very well that Cordelia had feelings for Angel as well. Couldn't Cordelia love Angel and she love Charles, but still keep their love for one another? After all, it wasn't like Angel could please her in bed.

Fred never once said this to Cordelia, of course. But her silence when the Seer spoke about revealing their relationship rang through all too loudly. If she had known that it would end everything between them perhaps Fred would have tried to choose.

If she just would've ignored Charles and his dark brown eyes, easy smile, and slow charm. Or if she would've only looked at Cordelia and that eternal kindness, blurting out wry jokes, and a glittering smile. Maybe she would have made a choice for once in her life instead of trying to have it all and fool them with her kisses, making it seem like they were the only one for her. That she was giving them her all. Maybe it would've made a difference, maybe if she had done all that, Cordelia would still be here.

Then again, maybe not.

The only thing she knew was that Cordelia was gone and she would never kiss the soft skin behind her ear. She would never hear those quiet gasps of pleasure. She would never feel silky strands of hair in her fingers. And she would never see her glitter in the throes of an orgasm, looking like she belonged with the angels in heaven.

Hearing the door crack open, Fred pushed herself up on her elbows, peering at the figure hovering in the doorway quietly. She knew this was a sign she should change, that she should learn to make those hard decisions, that she shouldn't love so fast, so hard, and try and control how she felt. Try and distance herself from others a little.

She knew and still, she smiled at the person standing before her as they softly shut the door to her room, leaning against it, looking tired and defeated with the world. Knowing with everything in her that all they really wanted was to be held. So she rose to her feet, pulling the broken figure down to her, cradling their head on her shoulder, and rocking them to and fro as she curled her fingers in fine hair while they sobbed.

Pushing them back gently as they sniffled, Fred ducked her head and peered into teary eyes that looked disgusted with themselves. Smiling as she wiped the tear tracks away from soft skin, she murmured, "I'm a little surprised Charles let you up here."

"I made him," they replied with a dry laugh. "He wasn't easy to convince though."

Chuckling a little at this, Fred cupped their face, feeling the silky touch under her callused hands and said, "Y'know she's gone, don't you?"

"I loved her," it was a soft snarl and a hiss of hurt, laying the blame on Fred. "You knew that but you still went after her. We were together and--"

"You weren't good for her," interrupted Fred, staring them down. "I wasn't good either, and maybe even Angel wasn't," said Fred, being honest with herself for a change. Looking up into eyes that glittered at her, she smiled and backed away. "I gotta think you agree, Lilah, or you wouldn't be here now."

Instead of replying, Lilah scowled and glittered, and found herself soon pressed up against the door as her lips were surrounded by the taste of strawberries and her hips were grasped by Fred's tiny hands.

Lust, love, and indecision was the devil in disguise for Fred's life. It always had been and it probably always would be as long as she wanted to show those she loved how she felt instead of keeping it safely hidden inside. Maybe one day she would learn to control the devil but for now it would continue to exist and glitter more brightly than the stars.